why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
