Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
