He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't put those talents on a resume
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
