idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm having to shit out rocks
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