Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Randomize
