If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
