i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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