In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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