My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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