I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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