When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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