can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
