Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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