dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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