Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
