I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
