So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
