Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
