im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
