did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
