he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
