My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
