just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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