The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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