I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
