I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
