Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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