guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
