it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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