We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
