I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
