genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
