yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
