It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
