There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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