He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
