How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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