I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
