I just saw a hot homeless man
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
