I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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