I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
