Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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