My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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