I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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