remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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