I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least life still wants to fuck me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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