i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
