I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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