Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
