Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
