It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My dick has a subreddit
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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